


Snow

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's snowing. Karkat has never seen snow before. Naturally, John and Karkat manage to over complicate even something as simple as going outside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Who needs a title anyway? Not me. This was my ssjohnkat2013 gift. If you're really curious about who it's for and all that stuff, you can just look at it on Tumblr because I don't feel much like typing: http://zzzzzzzo.tumblr.com/post/70730744285/snow-zzzzzzzo-homestuck-archive-of-our-own  
> I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to comment, whether it's to criticize or compliment :)

“Oh hey, it's snowing!”

 

You point out the window and glance over your shoulder, only to be met with an irritated glare over round reading glasses. Karkat's eyes return to his book with a small sigh, deeming you not worthy of his full attention. You still get a rant, of course, as those are expendable and given to the most lowly of beings. He just passes out rage and metaphors like they're cheap cigars.

 

“John. I don't know how this could possibly have not crossed your mind at this point, seeing as we've been matesprits for -what, a year now?-, but I'm not native to this damned planet of yours. As high as my intellect is and as fast of a learner I am, I don't just automatically know what every damned thing is and what every fucking word means. Furthermore, what ever this 'snowing' is, it is, like nearly everything else that has ever crossed your mind, not worth interrupting my reading for, and most likely not worth bringing up at all. If you really feel the need to subject me to whatever this new interest of yours is, I'm sure it can wait until after I have completed my daily chunk of admiring written works of romance, at which point you are free to do whatever it is you please with me. Until then, however, could you kindly leave me to the only respite I ever seem to get from your idiocy? Yes, I know, it must be so hard living without my constant active company, but I'm sure a mere hour or two is a small enough frame of time for your bursting shame globes to stand.”

 

Jeez. That lengthy, albeit absentminded, rant would probably seem like overkill if you weren't used to it by now. Since you are, you just roll your eyes at him. Karkat can be a real douche sometimes. You usually don't interrupt him when he's reading, no matter how dumb the book may be, but this time it's important, damn it! You decide to just give your usual response to his rants: only responding to one part and completely ignoring the rest. That always gets him so riled up. It's hilarious.

 

“Oh, right, it's way hotter on Alternia, so you wouldn't know, right?” you laugh sheepishly. You aren't really that embarrassed by your mistake, but anything to yank his chain is a good thing to be doing. “Snow is kind of like rain, only it's frozen. It's really pretty, and fun to play in! You can make things and stuff.” Karkat shoots you a deadpan look across the room. You can practically see him debating with himself over what to get peeved at you for, how you ignored most of what he said or your response itself. The latter wins.

 

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Rain is rain. It doesn't. Fucking. Freeze. Because it is rain. I am actually disappointed in you right now. Normally when you try to prank me you'll pick something at least slightly believable, but that inane bullshit that just spewed from your mouth is such a plain lie it's almost painful. In fact, it is. You're really losing your touch at this.” You can't help but laugh a little. It's almost funnier than when you prank him, because he is just so convinced you're lying and you're about to prove you aren't. You can't wait to see his face when you get him to look. It's going to be priceless.

 

“Bluh, fine, whatever, don't believe me, just look and you'll see it!”

 

“Fuck no, I am not leaving this spot. The rest of my life will be spent in this chair. I'll graduate college, lose my virginity, get married, have a few grubs, retire, and die, all right here. I will be buried in this chair I have confined myself to. You couldn't make me stand up to save my life, let alone to look around hopelessly for such a blatant lie.”

 

“Kaaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaat.”

 

_“Shut up.”_

 

“I will if you look.”

 

He glares at you. You know him well enough by now to understand the conflict behind that unforgiving stare. He's weighing his options. On one hand, if he looks, it'll be like losing, and Karkat hates to lose. On the other hand, if he doesn't look, he knows you'll make his life a living hell for the rest of the day until he gives in, and any attempts at ignoring you would be all for naught. You can be a downright pest when you want to be, and you both know it. You fondly recall that one time he had put his foot down, and in retaliation you had driven your leg straight through the floor (going by that metaphor anyway). You had said his name in that way children do to get what they want, dragging out the syllables until things went their way. Karkat didn't give in right away, but boy, he really should have. You continued for literal _hours_ on end, pausing only for breath. It was boring, but it worked out in the end, sort of. You got him to do what you wanted and all (you can't even remember what it was now; the act of convincing him seems to have taken priority in your memory), but he gave you the silent treatment for the next several days. While admittedly it was pretty cool in a surreal and vaguely disturbing way to have a silent Karkat (who knew that was even _possible?_ ), it was also really boring and kind of awkward. You don't really want to have to go through that again, but come on. This is snow you're talking about. Some things are just worth the sacrifice.

 

“...Fine, I'll look. However! Let it be known that I am not in any way falling for your prank. I do not believe at all there is anything of note outside of that window, and I am only looking for the sake of my fucking peace of mind. Don't derive any sense of glory from this, because you are far from victorious, capisce?” You roll your eyes in a way almost as exaggerated as this whole exchange has been.

 

“Yeah yeah, I get it. O, great and mighty Karkat, our lord and master, I once again have displayed blatant folly in your presence. How dare I, a mere mortal, ever even consider attempting to outsmart you? O, foolish, foolish me!”

 

“Damn right.” He marks his place in his book and puts it aside, rising and making his way over to you with a quick and irritable step. “Let's just get this over wi-- ...oh.” Karkat's look of annoyance fades when he reaches the window, his eyes growing large and thoughtful as he gazed upon the flakes gently falling from the sky and blanketing the earth in white. “Oh, wow.” His voice is soft now, and he hesitantly raises a hand, almost but not quite touching the window as if the beautiful illusion could shatter at the slightest provocation. You love when he gets like this, all that anger and defensiveness falling away to show a kinder, gentle Karkat, the Karkat that loves cuddling and romance movies and who knows how to make even the lightest kisses make you feel light-headed and just dizzy with affection. It's like he's a crab, and he's removed his shell to show the delicious, rich meat within (okay, maybe that wasn't the best metaphor, but it works, you guess). “It's beautiful.”

 

“I told you,” you say smugly, but not that smug. You don't want to be too obnoxious and make him all grumpy again. He flips you off without even glancing at you. You have the best boyfriend in the world. “Wanna go outside and experience it firsthand?” He seems to turn in slow motion to look at you, and you have to bite your lip to hold in your laughter. He's gazing at you with this solemn, reverent look like you just revealed the secrets of the universe or something; what a _dork_.

 

“Fuck yes I do.” Book now forgotten, he practically sprints to the front door and you just barely manage to catch him by the collar of his shirt (your shirt, actually. You have both long since realized that green is most certainly not his color, but he wears your slime ghost shirt every once in a while anyway. You think it's because of your smell or something? Trolls are weird). He let's out a strangled choking noise before turning on you. Oops, Grumpy Kat is back again in full force. “What the fuck is it _now?_ ”

 

“Dude, didn't you hear me? Snow is frozen rain, as in it's cold as balls out there. You can't go in a t-shirt! You gotta get a coat and scarf and mittens and stuff.” If he was someone else, you might have let him run out there and get the surprise of how freezing it is as a prank of sorts, but being an alien from a hot climate and all, his body probably isn't built for the cold. A practical joke just isn't fun if someone actually gets hurt or sick from it.

 

“But....” Ah, there's your gentle Karkat again, eyes flicking towards the window longingly. You giggle and kiss him lightly on the nose, pulling back to throw him one of those grins he says are “suffocatingly handsome and charming, yet remarkably stupid all at once”.

 

“Relax, dude. It'll only take a minute, and then you can frolic about in the icy flakes as long as you want.”

 

“I. What. I do not frolic, that is some class A bullshit right there.”

 

“Whatever you say, Kitkat~-- ow hey jeez no biting, I thought we talked about this.”

 

“We did. We also talked about how you aren't allowed to call me the absolute dumbest pet name ever, you anal-retentive shitheel.”

 

“Aw, but I think it's cute!”

 

“It most certainly does not bear any semblance of cute, nor do I, therefore it is the ultimate dumbassery for you to call me it.”

 

“No way Karkat, you are totally cute. I can accept some things, but this blatantly erroneous statement just will not stand.”

 

“I am not, I am a flaming bundle of rage and death.”

 

“Yeah yeah, but in a cute way. Like, adorabloodthirsty and all.”

 

“That is a bit more accurate, but the prefix remains untrue.”

 

“How about malignice?”

 

“...No, that's awful. Malignant and nice are literal antonyms. Are you making new ones up now?”

 

“Cuddeadly.”

 

“Okay you cant stop.”

 

“Kawaiivil.”

 

“Kawaii and evil-- I have had enough and if you ever speak again I swear to God I will both castrate you and gouge out your eyes so I can switch these two body parts, and after having a good look at your mangled visage I will dilacerate you out of sheer sympathy, for not even the lowest of creatures deserves such a fate. That's you, by the way. The lowest of creatures.”

 

“Pfft, you're really something, you know that?”

 

He smiles crookedly. “I try to forget.”

 

 --- 

 

After many shenanigans and one instance of getting your hair stuck in a zipper, the two of you are both dressed and ready to go. Karkat's bad mood has long since returned, the current subject of his bitching being the ridiculous amount of time it took you two to change. Thank God you've learned how to tune him out by now or that could be really annoying. As is, you manage to tune him out by thinking about how nice he looks. He's now clad in a sweater, scarf, and warm hat, all in varying shades of gray or red. It's really the hat you like. It hangs down past his ears, like the hat that girl in Despicable Me wore, and he's developed this habit of tugging at the flaps and then yanking it back up again. It's adorable.

 

“...John? Are you... are you _ignoring me!?_ ”

 

“Uh, yeah? Haha, don't look so scandalized man; are you seriously surprised by this?”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“Well, I do it all the time. I would've thought you'd be used to it by now.” Karkat continues to stare at you with that somewhat shocked and insulted look. You get the urge to boop his nose, but with some dexterity you manage to resist. He's giving you a look like he's your aunt and you just accidentally sent him nudes or something, so you get the feeling you should take him at least somewhat seriously. “What? You rant all the time, it just starts to turn into mush after a while, y'know?” Wow, he looks really pissed at you. Nothing new there, but you didn't think it would be over something like this. “Do _you_ listen to _me_ every time I go on and on about Nic Cage's intense mangrit?”

 

“...Point, I guess.”

 

“Yeah, duh. If you put two people as annoying as us together it's only natural the two of them will need a break every once in a while.”

 

“Okay, fine, you're right. I'll save my intense unadulterated rage at you for something else. For now let's just go reward our ganderbulbs with the sight of those goddamn majestic white flakes.”

 

“That is probably the smartest thing you have ever said dude.”

 

“Oh piss off.” His voice lacked any bite, his excitement from earlier returning. You scurry in front of him so that you can hold the door open with a flourish. For a moment it looks like he's going to comment on the corniness of this action, but then he catches sight of the snow and successfully sorts his priorities. He kind of dashes out the door in slow motion (that's sort of an oxymoron, but it looked like that, so whatever) and then just stands in your yard, eying with wonder the flakes slowly drifting past him. You shut the door silently and just stand there right by it, worried that even taking a step forward would knock him out of his reverie. His back to you, he removes one of his mittens and catches some in his bare hand.

 

“Fuck, it's cold!”

 

The mood successfully killed, you laugh and step forward until you're standing shoulder to shoulder with him. “Well, yeah, I told you that already. Frozen rain, remember?”  


 

“Quit being a smartass, I was just.... Hey, where did it go?” He stares at his hand with this look of frustrated bewilderment. He looks so irritated and puzzled by this phenomenon; you just can't help but laugh again.

 

“It melted. Snow does that, like, really quickly. Now put your mitten back on, we gotta make a snowman.”

 

“...A what?” Oh hell yes, this is gonna be awesome. Best. Snow day. _Ever._


End file.
